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02 Oct

I’m on a flight headed back to Seattle for a quick visit with my family, and I’m really looking forward to a brief respite from the life to which God has called me. I am thankful for my grown children who have agreed to make this weekend possible for Brian and I and I am thankful for good friends who have agreed to help them.

I’m pondering, this morning, the comment of a coworker recently who said she couldn’t imagine the stress I am under, nor could she imagine doing what God has called us to do, or why we would choose to do what we are doing. I’m also reminded of the shock that our embarkation on this journey was to at least 75% of the people we know. This was such a huge deviation from how our lives were expected to unfold by ourselves and those who surround us. We must look like we’ve lost our minds.

But, personally, I am thankful for that deviation. We were headed full speed down a highway to a meaningless and selfish destination. That destination? A comfortable life. A life lived working 40 hours during the week and which would allow us to be carefree on the weekend. A life lived in waiting, where we waited, patiently or in my case impatiently, for grandchildren to arrive so that we would have purpose again. A life spent amassing more money so that at age 55 we could quit working and play nonstop.

Thank you, God, for the detour.

Matthew West’s song, The Motions, captures my thoughts today better than I can say them myself. Here are the lyrics. If I can post a link to the song, I will.

This might hurt, it’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care if I break
Least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok’s not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions.
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all-consuming passion inside of me.
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
“What if I had given everything?”
Instead of going through the motions.

No regrets, not this time
Gonna let my heart defeat my mind.
Let Your love make me whole.
I think I’m finally feeling something.
“Cause just ok’s not enough.
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life.

I don’t wanna go through the motions.
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all-consuming passion inside of me.
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
“What if I had given everything?”
Instead of going through the motions.

Consume me all the way, take me all the way
Consume me all the way, ‘cause I don’t wanna go through the motions.
Consume me all the way, I’m finally feeling something real
Consume me all the way.

I don’t wanna go through the motions.

So what is the rest of this life going to look like for me? I honestly have no idea. It’s as though my way forward is illuminated only a few feet ahead of me. Right now and for the next six years, we must raise these boys into young men. What’s after that? And is that all we are called to do for the next six years? Or does God have more for us to be doing while raising M & D? Who knows, perhaps God will bring more children into our life. There are rumblings in the distance that that may be the case, but nothing is close enough to hear clearly.

I only know that I am unsettled.

I’m following my King. I don’t know where He is leading, but I do know that I can see Him ahead and hear His voice calling for me to keep following.

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1 Comment

Posted by on October 2, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

One response to “

  1. Trudi Trueit

    October 2, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    Natalie, thanks for sharing your heart and in such a beautiful, honest way. It's taking those leaps of faith, not always knowing the where's and how's and why's, but trusting, always trusting, that God will lead us. I am inspired and uplifted by the path you've chosen. Maybe you need more people in your life to say "Bravo, Natalie!" So here I am.Next time you are in town, with a bit more time to spend, I'd love to visit!

     

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