Musing about life, faith and family.
Family
An ever-changing
moving target
at our house
Acceptance always
our goal
our motivation
Love you where you are
show Christ’s love
believe you want to be
the best you
you are capable of being
Willing to be
a safe place for you
for a season
or for a lifetime
Loving you
is not easy
is heart-bursting
is joyous
is heartbreaking
Tears
of love
of grief
of acceptance
when you choose
to leave
Know you were
and are
loved
Excellent piece by another white mom of a black son.
Her assertion below is right on the money:
If you’re unwilling to understand and accept that “white privilege” is a very real thing, then you are part of the problem.
I am a white mom with a black son. That’s us in the picture on the left. We love each other very much, as you can see. Right now, my young son doesn’t see himself as anything beyond a member of our family. He knows his skin is brown and he knows he’s from Ethiopia, but none of that means anything to him right now. He’s more concerned with playing Minecraft with his brother than anything else.
We live near St. Louis; a city that has received much bad press lately due to events that happened and continue to happen in the city of Ferguson. Neighbors tell me their thoughts. Opinions are shared on Facebook. You can’t NOT hear or talk about it when you live so close to the activity. It was during one such Facebook conversation that I first heard about “The Talk”. I was reminded today of “The…
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I’ll never forget the first time I was asked this question and unfortunately, I didn’t have a really good answer.
“What is it with you and little black boys? Why only black boys?”
The question was asked incredulously as if I might have been harboring a perverted fetish for them and I was shocked. So I took a big deep breath and answered, “Because black boys are who God pointed out to me.” While it was a true answer, I wished that I had come up with a better one in that moment. The asker was an African-American woman at a Christian women’s retreat.
Since that time, I’ve been pondering over why it was that God called Brian and I to adopt our four sons and here’s the best conclusion to which I’ve come. He knew we would fight for them. He knew that we would do the hard work to be the best parents possible for them. He knew that we were committed to fighting racism even before we became their parents. And He knew that I would share everything I was learning with others.
I have this cat we rescued and named Frank Sinatra. He’s a beautiful orange tabby who when we found him as a baby had the brightest blue eyes (thus the name). We call him Frankie most of the time. He is elusive and prefers hunting outdoors to being inside. When he is inside, he is usually curled in a ball on my side of the bed or sleeping on the ottoman if I am on the couch. Frankie tolerates petting for about 10 seconds and then he is squirming away. But I know this cat loves me because he chooses always to meet me where I am most relaxed.
Our other cat, a gray tabby, is Sammy Davis Jr. (I couldn’t stomach the thought of calling him Deanie, for Dean Martin. Notice our cats are named after the Rat Pack–appropriate don’t you think? But I digress…) Sammy wants to be everywhere I am. He is under my feet every time I turn around. He will jump up on my lap demanding cuddle time and touching his nose to mine in what I choose to call a kitty kiss.
Molly, or Puppy Fox as my granddaughter calls her, is our dog. (She really does look like a fox!) Molly is close to my side always and must suffer from separation anxiety. She comes flying to the front door, barking as loudly and as obnoxiously as she can whenever she hears my car return. Almost as though she’s saying, “Mommy, mommy, mommy! I missed you so much!” She demands my attention every time I sit down.
I love all three of these pets but they each demand love from me on their terms not mine. I can try to force my terms on them but they are unhappy when I do.
So why am I comparing my cats and dog to loving adopted children? Simply because after two years, I have finally decided to accept Frankie’s love expression the way it is and in that instant God showed me the comparison to my adopted children.
If I am willing to receive love from them only my terms then I will miss the love messages they send me every day.
My 16 YO son smiles and pats me in the back. My 15 YO son rarely touches me unless I ask for a hug and then it is very brief, however, he will rush ahead and hold open every door for me. My 12 YO wants to serve me. When he is feeling loving he is asking me what he can do to help and offering to do other ‘s chores. My 7 YO son lives to make me smile. These are their expressions of love which I must hold deeply in my heart especially when I am not being loved the way I would prefer or in the way my biological children express their love for me.
I know my children aren’t pets, so please don’t load up my comments with little nasties, but I am grateful for the lesson Frankie taught me this am when he laid on my chest and let me pet him for exactly 8 seconds before leaping off and laying at my feet while I wrote this.
To my adoptive sons, I vow to treasure your love deep in my heart and to love you in the way you’ll know it best!
One thing you probably don’t know about me is that I adore British mysteries. In junior high, I headed down to the Public Library in Kent, Washington often and check out every Agatha Christie novel they had in their collection.
In the last few years, sadly I can’t pinpoint exactly when, I became enamored with Elizabeth George’s writing. Here’s a link to Elizabeth George’s Amazon.com page. I love Elizabeth’s writing and have read several of her books multiple times. Her character development is outstanding. My favorite of them all is DS Barbara Havers. Can’t tell you my other favorites as it would give things away. If you choose to start reading Elizabeth George, you need to begin with the very first Inspector Lynley book which is A Great Deliverance. It’s imperative to read them in the proper order to fully understand the development of the characters and what happens in their lives.
I finished her 17th Inspector Lynley book and while waiting for #18 decided to look at some other authors whose main characters are British detectives. Using Amazon’s recommendation feature, I found another promising series by Emma Jameson, called the Lord and Lady Hetheridge series. Today, I finished the third installment in the series. I have enjoyed the series very much. Like George, Jameson’s characters are interesting and compelling. Here’s a link to her Amazon.com page. She’s a newer writer and her first in the series was self-published on Kindle Direct. She’s now working on the fourth installment.
So, since I’m caught up with those two, I decided to let Amazon recommend another and have just downloaded Still Life by Louise Penny. She’s won numerous awards for her writing and I’m kind of surprised I haven’t run across her sooner. I’ll let you know what I think!
Does anyone have a recommendation for another writer of British or Canadian detective novels?
I am a huge fan of John Eldredge’s books, I even subscribe to his daily readings. I have to admit, though, to never being able to get through his wife, Stasi Eldredge’s book, Captivating. This week, I received a daily reading called “Haunted by Eve”. Here’s the link: Haunted by Eve
Honestly, I don’t see myself haunted by the question, “Am I lovely?” I identify much more easily with the generalized every little boy question, “Do I have what it takes?” I accepted long ago, that God made me the way he saw fit. Brian finds me lovely and I know God does and so I have no need to ask that question.
Much more important to me is “Do I have what it takes?” I would so much rather don my spiritual armor and be a warrior for God fighting alongside the son of Man and the angels, than be a little girl twirling around in a pretty party dress.
Any other women feel that way? If so, join me in the Warrior Princess for God club!
You’ve seen these little quotes, probably everywhere! I know I have. Apparently, it began as a propaganda slogan in Britain at the beginning of the second world war. If you want to read more about it click here. Anyway, my mind has been kind of stuck on it as a result of my bible study this morning.
I’ve been studying 1 Thessalonians with a group of other women and today I was writing about 1 Thess 4:9-12. Here’s the text.
1 Thessalonians 4:9-12
New Living Translation (NLT)
9 But we don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other,[a] for God himself has taught you to love one another. 10 Indeed, you already show your love for all the believers[b] throughout Macedonia. Even so, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you to love them even more.
11 Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. 12 Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.
So I was pondering on Paul’s meaning when he said “Live a quiet life”, because mine is definitely anything but quiet! What did he really mean? So I looked up several other translations of verse 11. Here’s the one from The Message version:
11-12 Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job. You’ve heard all this from us before, but a reminder never hurts. We want you living in a way that will command the respect of outsiders, not lying around sponging off your friends.
Obviously this is where the Keep Calm and…. came into play. I had to laugh at the thought of a sign that would read like this one:
Ok, now that I have that out of my system, I can focus on the real thing I learned from my studying this morning. How many people do I know that stay calm? I’m often found running around like the proverbial chicken with its head removed? I’m often hassled, harried, stressed as is most of the world. What would my life speak to others if I were able to stay calm? I know if I were outside looking in on a mom with four adopted kids who somehow managed to keep calm even 75% of the time, I’d be asking how she would be doing it.
The fact is, I’m failing miserably at staying calm – at least on the inside. I don’t know how many of those who see me regularly are noticing. But if we read on to verse 12, the reason Paul commands us to do just that so that those who are not Christians who look at our lives will respect us.
If I do not have peace in my life, it’s not a life that someone else would respect or be drawn to.
I’m spending sometime in Psalm 119 in my study time as well and found this little gem.
v25 I lie in the dust, completely discouraged; revive me by your word.
For me, the key to staying calm is staying grounded in God’s word and lots of worship cds!
How do you stay calm when life is chaotic around you?
It’s been just over a month since we’ve been home. The boys are settling in well and making friends and we just took a vacation for over a week. I wondered if they would be overwhelmed, but overall they managed very well.
Lowenski will officially become Peter in the next few weeks. He is currently in the 4th grade and while he was never able to read while in Haiti, he is picking things up very quickly here. His first day of school on March 11 was awesome. He came home with a picture and a letter from every student in his class welcoming him to America and to school at his elementary. He was so proud. He’s made a friend in the neighborhood and is often out riding his bike around the block. His favorite American food is grilled cheese sandwiches!
Daveson, soon to be David is in Kindergarten at the same school with Peter. He’s working on writing his letters and counting to 30 and 100 in English. He can count to 30 easily in French. He loves his teacher and his classroom. But nothing lights up his face more than when Marley comes over! 🙂 He is so sweet to her and she to him.
Healthwise, they are both doing great – gaining weight and growing.
We had a few adjustments as a family to make with their arrival, but overall, Marcus and Denny have been incredibly helpful with their little brothers. Yesterday was a banner day when we went to Silver Dollar City in Branson and everyone was laughing and having a great time.
We still occasionally have some “You’re not my real mom moments”, but they are becoming few and far between.
We so appreciate your prayers for our family. I truly believe things are going as well as they are because so many people are covering our family in prayer.
I made it to Haiti this afternoon! It’s great to see the boys and they are anxious to get on the plane.
I have some specific prayer requests for this week and would love it if you would be praying for them:
We would love to have you meet us at the St. Louis airport to welcome the boys home! Our arrival time is 11:30 and we are flying in on American Airlines.
Look for posts on my facebook account for more detail a little later in the week.
Blessings on your week! Thanks for your prayers!
Natalie Ames 