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“The Talk”

Excellent piece by another white mom of a black son.

Her assertion below is right on the money:

If you’re unwilling to understand and accept that “white privilege” is a very real thing, then you are part of the problem.

For Liberty

1794597_10152813858441320_6267328075082991417_nI am a white mom with a black son.  That’s us in the picture on the left.  We love each other very much, as you can see.  Right now, my young son doesn’t see himself as anything beyond a member of our family.  He knows his skin is brown and he knows he’s from Ethiopia, but none of that means anything to him right now.  He’s more concerned with playing Minecraft with his brother than anything else.

We live near St. Louis; a city that has received much bad press lately due to events that happened and continue to happen in the city of Ferguson.  Neighbors tell me their thoughts.  Opinions are shared on Facebook. You can’t NOT hear or talk about it when you live so close to the activity. It was during one such Facebook conversation that I first heard about “The Talk”.  I was reminded today of “The…

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Musing on Being a White Mother to Four Black Boys

I’ll never forget the first time I was asked this question and unfortunately, I didn’t have a really good answer.

“What is it with you and little black boys? Why only black boys?”

The question was asked incredulously as if I might have been harboring a perverted fetish for them and I was shocked.  So I took a big deep breath and answered, “Because black boys are who God pointed out to me.”  While it was a true answer, I wished that I had come up with a better one in that moment. The asker was an African-American woman at a Christian women’s retreat.

Since that time, I’ve been pondering over why it was that God called Brian and I to adopt our four sons and here’s the best conclusion to which I’ve come.  He knew we would fight for them. He knew that we would do the hard work to be the best parents possible for them.  He knew that we were committed to fighting racism even before we became their parents. And He knew that I would share everything I was learning with others.

 

 

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Cats, Dogs and loving Adopted Children

I have this cat we rescued and named Frank Sinatra. He’s a beautiful orange tabby who when we found him as a baby had the brightest blue eyes (thus the name). We call him Frankie most of the time. He is elusive and prefers hunting outdoors to being inside. When he is inside, he is usually curled in a ball on my side of the bed or sleeping on the ottoman if I am on the couch. Frankie tolerates petting for about 10 seconds and then he is squirming away. But I know this cat loves me because he chooses always to meet me where I am most relaxed.

Our other cat, a gray tabby, is Sammy Davis Jr. (I couldn’t stomach the thought of calling him Deanie, for Dean Martin. Notice our cats are named after the Rat Pack–appropriate don’t you think? But I digress…) Sammy wants to be everywhere I am. He is under my feet every time I turn around. He will jump up on my lap demanding cuddle time and touching his nose to mine in what I choose to call a kitty kiss.

Molly, or Puppy Fox as my granddaughter calls her, is our dog. (She really does look like a fox!) Molly is close to my side always and must suffer from separation anxiety. She comes flying to the front door, barking as loudly and as obnoxiously as she can whenever she hears my car return. Almost as though she’s saying, “Mommy, mommy, mommy! I missed you so much!” She demands my attention every time I sit down.

I love all three of these pets but they each demand love from me on their terms not mine. I can try to force my terms on them but they are unhappy when I do.

So why am I comparing my cats and dog to loving adopted children? Simply because after two years, I have finally decided to accept Frankie’s love expression the way it is and in that instant God showed me the comparison to my adopted children.

If I am willing to receive love from them only my terms then I will miss the love messages they send me every day.

My 16 YO son smiles and pats me in the back. My 15 YO son rarely touches me unless I ask for a hug and then it is very brief, however, he will rush ahead and hold open every door for me. My 12 YO wants to serve me. When he is feeling loving he is asking me what he can do to help and offering to do other ‘s chores. My 7 YO son lives to make me smile. These are their expressions of love which I must hold deeply in my heart especially when I am not being loved the way I would prefer or in the way my biological children express their love for me.

I know my children aren’t pets, so please don’t load up my comments with little nasties, but I am grateful for the lesson Frankie taught me this am when he laid on my chest and let me pet him for exactly 8 seconds before leaping off and laying at my feet while I wrote this.

To my adoptive sons, I vow to treasure your love deep in my heart and to love you in the way you’ll know it best!

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A new little tidbit….

One thing you probably don’t know about me is that I adore British mysteries.  In junior high, I   headed down to the Public Library in Kent, Washington often and check out every Agatha Christie novel they had in their collection.

In the last few years, sadly I can’t pinpoint exactly when, I became enamored with Elizabeth George’s writing.  Here’s a link to Elizabeth George’s Amazon.com page.  I love Elizabeth’s writing and have read several of her books multiple times.  Her character development is outstanding.  My favorite of them all is DS Barbara Havers. Can’t tell you my other favorites as it would give things away.  If you choose to start reading Elizabeth George, you need to begin with the very first Inspector Lynley book which is A Great Deliverance. It’s imperative to read them in the proper order to fully understand the development of the characters and what happens in their lives.

I finished  her 17th Inspector Lynley book and while waiting for #18 decided to look at some other authors whose main characters are British detectives. Using Amazon’s recommendation feature, I found another promising series by Emma Jameson, called the Lord and Lady Hetheridge series. Today, I finished the third installment in the series. I have enjoyed the series very much.  Like George, Jameson’s characters are interesting and compelling.  Here’s a link to her Amazon.com page. She’s a newer writer and her first in the series was self-published on Kindle Direct. She’s now working on the fourth installment.

So, since I’m caught up with those two, I decided to let Amazon recommend another and have just downloaded Still Life by Louise Penny.  She’s won numerous awards for her writing and I’m kind of surprised I haven’t run across her sooner.   I’ll let you know what I think!

Does anyone have a recommendation for another writer of British or Canadian detective novels?

adoption, Bible Study, faith, kingdom living, spiritual warfare, Uncategorized

Answered Prayer

I was doing a study this morning as part of facilitator training for our church’s women’s ministry called Friend 2 Friend.  We’re going through a book called “Growing in Christ” by the Navpress. I’ll be willing to confess that I wasn’t all that thrilled to be asked to go through it.  I mean, I’ve been a Christian since I was 19 (wow, is it really almost 30 years). This is pretty basic stuff, I thought. I was reminded that even the most basic stuff is what we need sometimes.

We’re still anxiously awaiting news from Haiti. We know that four or five dossiers from our orphanage have received presidential dispensation in the last two weeks.  We still do not know which dossiers. Why? Because as soon as this news was received, Haiti began to erupt in political violence. A prominent police officer was killed prompting riots throughout Port au Prince. In addition, seven kidnappings took place. A group of 50 ex-military men stormed parliament demanding back pay. A prominent governmental official was accused of killing a store owner. The list just goes on and on…..

As I went through this study this morning, I was reminded again of the battle that is taking place in the spiritual realm in Haiti.  There is active opposition to children coming home both spiritually and in the natural world. As much as I have written about this spiritual battle, you would think that I would have been girded and praying and engaging in that battle. Instead, I heard these were signed and have been fretting and pestering the director of the orphanage trying to get any information at all, to no avail.

Lessons from today:

1. Don’t stop asking in Jesus’s name

John 16:24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.”

2. Ask according to His will – I John 5:14-15

3. Abide in Jesus, trusting in Him, reading and applying His words. – John 15:7

4. God’s answers to my prayers will be great and mighty, beyond what I ask – Jeremiah 33:3 and Ephesians 3:20

5. The wrong reaction to this uncertainty is for me to become anxious; the right reaction is to keep asking God with thanksgiving. – Philippians 4:7

6. When I do, He will give me peace and guard my heart and mind. Philippians 4:7

I’m thanking God today for the reminder.

Prayer Requests for the adoption this week:

  • Those with dispensation will be told this week.
  • Dispensations will be published in Le Moniteur even this week.
  • Files will exit IBESR by Friday next week.
faith, kingdom living, spiritual warfare, Uncategorized

The Battle

I’ve been writing a lot about the battle these past few weeks.  I must admit it is getting pretty fierce. Yet another attack yesterday on a personal level. But I won’t be stopped. I will continue to follow God’s leading.

It’s easy for us here in the states to forget about this battle.  Attacks here are rare because we tend to live our lives in such a way as to nullify the need for them. There’s no need to bring a full-on attack to someone who doesn’t believe there is a battle. There’s no need to bring a full-on attack when we succumb to an arrow now and then. Satan sends a little arrow of hate in our direction and we do the rest of the work for him by attacking ourselves, believing the worst about others intentions, and hiding in a corner to lick our wounds.

But there is a full-blown war going on in every part of the world, even in our very homes.

The good news is that we are not alone in this battle.  We have a warrior king who is sending warriors to fight it.  Like this guy and the host of others behind and beside him:

 12 “None of us, my lord the king,” said one of his officers, “but Elisha, the prophet who is in Israel, tells the king of Israel the very words you speak in your bedroom.”

13 “Go, find out where he is,” the king ordered, “so I can send men and capture him.” The report came back: “He is in Dothan.” 14 Then he sent horses and chariots and a strong force there. They went by night and surrounded the city.

15 When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked.

16 “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

17 And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see.” Then the LORD opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. – 2 Kings 6:12-17

When I am tempted to fear the battle, I will stop and pray and look to my right and my left with my spiritual eyes and nod at those who fight with me, strap on the armor of God and stand.

In the battle today, please pray for:

1. The orphanage, the children and the missionaries who serve there – Pray for protection, for wisdom, for strength.

2. Haiti Health Ministries – an EFCA-supported clinic in Haiti. They are in a pitched battle – pray for protection, for favor with the government and that God will supply a lawyer to help them.

3. Please pray for me personally – that as I leave tomorrow, that I will listen to God’s voice alone, that I will depend upon Him solely for my strength, that I choose to gird myself in His armor and that I seek His will and not my own.